The Fight to Be Free: Exploring Homophobia, Spirituality, and Gay Identity

Open Thesis/Introduction:
Immediately following the after of Tyler Clementi’s suicide, I was inspired to develop a personal reflection that consciously enlightens my audience about their attitudes on men who’s sexual preference is for the same sex. As an openly Black, gay young man living in the more urban setting of Chicago, I noticed a general gap of social awareness and lack of communication between gay men and straight men. This is due to a massive amount of misunderstanding, myths, and confusion about the lifestyle that any openly person lives. I usually try not to interact with many straight men because of the blatantly ignorant and snaky, unintelligent statements that are made, which usually lead ti verbal and sometimes, physical fallouts. However, as a natural peacemaker, I would like to open the eyes of the who are left in the dark about gay identity to exemplify that the gay culture is expanding our desire to be accepted and cement our rightful place in the world. Hopefully, we can all unite together and break this band of hate.


Exploring Homophobia:
As a child, I vaguely recognized that I wasn’t normal: I had a more artistic edge when it came to music and arts and crafts. I was more emotionally expressive and flamboyant than the other kids. And I regularly indulged in what I thought was special about myself as a child---I danced wildly, sang passionately, and loved immensely. I just knew that I was different, I knew that I wanted something so abstract from the life of what my family and friends had---I wasn’t drawn to the commonly or obvious. I just didn’t know what was this something in me called. As I grew up, I became more aware of internal desires. Soon thereafter, I discovered sex, and I learned to brand those specific feelings as sexual. While studying history, science, and religion, I learned that socially, I was a misfit, which, as a result, led to the cruelty, oppression, and the persecution of being “different.” I felt as if there was no place for someone like me in the modern world. Even as the church had only bad things to say about my desires, I continued to struggle with rightfully find my balance. What once made me feel special now caused me to be vulnerable and outcasted because it wasn’t the norm, because other boys and girls weren’t experiencing the same interest as I. My emotions had become guilt-driven and my heart were shattered into many piece because every time I entered a church, I heard the same bitter message against homosexuality. I became shameful, I was translucent…


Spirituality:
As my consciousness became more complex, I became spiritually concerned with my morality and personal behavior. I began to question my worthiness to God within my life. I’ve always considered myself a spiritual person, “spiritual” in the reference of being deeply religious. As I look at the content of religion, I still feel those deep feelings of bitter sweetness that plagued me in my early years. Yet, I remain optimistic that there is love in God for someone like me. I still want to find the meaning in life and feel the presence of God in my experience. However, with all the medieval (backward) Bible clutchers who constantly degrade anything that doesn’t fit into their narrow-minded cesspool, it can be a bit discouraging at times. Ironically, the message of religious reformers like Jesus, was that of love, compassion, mercy and discipline, one that superseded Law and authority. “Love thy neighbor” was the commandment Jesus gave. He never directly mentioned a thing about homosexuality or sex in general for that matter. This Golden Rule would certainly not support the churches campaign (or anyone else who refers themselves as s Christian) against gay rights. To rail against gay people preaching hate, and instilling fear and rejection for self-loathing purposes, only reveals how out of sync people really are with the One Commandment of Love. I believe that God is more than capable of handling or anxieties and judging our flaws without anyone’s help. If you feel as if my heart’s desire is wrong, still embrace me (love the sinner, hate the sin). All you can do is pray for me. Let God be God because He was in control before any human and He will be hereafter out presence has vanished. This is why one must be weary of hypocritical scoundrels who are proactively vicious and violent and participate in such religious discriminatory foolery. In (for the gays who are unguarded), as stated in the Bible, people like that will soon get their comeuppance (Matthew 7:1-6).


The Freedom In Finding Your Identity:
Though the rise of the gay consciousness continues to challenge religion, we must realize there is a deep sensitivity to other people as religiousness is undergoing a necessary transformation coping with modernization. We cannot cling onto old symbols or maintain certain stereotypical myths. Like a story passed down through time, it’s funny how the truth can somehow be lost in the midst of lies. These are, after all just pellucid similes. Gay culture may not have entirely caught up with breaking the assumptions of the invisible stereotype, but even in the struggle, we are contributing to the maturation of the human race by forcing the issue. We feel pain, we laugh, we live, we have faith---and this is true spirituality…defining the source of personal identity and discovering the purpose of the life under the watchful eyes of God. In the end, the experience of embodiment through God is meant for everyone. And no one can take that away from us…

A Teenage Dream

Katy Perry imploded on to the music industry back in 2008 with the controversial song "I Kissed a Girl" which covers the topic of bicuriousity and sexual tension of the same sex. The followup to her platinum debut One of the Boys is Teenage Dream, which is much like her freshman effort because it carries the same music formula: a retro 80s Techno Pop-dance flavor. Initially, I wasn't even going to download Perry's album, let alone write a review but I was driven to her album because of her persona. Katy seems like the chick next door, only with more edgier. In my mind, she doesn't play dumb, though she isn't keen on being repetitive, so she'll get sarcastic. She's guarded about sentimental things, like most girls are, but isn't afraid to be vulnerable and reveal how she truly feels. I see her having a Type B personality intertwined with enough spunkiness and comedic tendencies to light the room. Unlike other pop artist who resume to privacy, Katy Perry actually possess a fun personality. And on every track of Teenage Dream, it reveals what kind of girl she is. The lyrical content on the album can vary; it can make you laugh, it can make you think and it can make you smile. Much of the material contains sexually charged euphemisms that showcase how bold Perry can be when it comes to sex talk. But, when she's busy delivering a message of romanticizing, Katy can sing out sweet lines filled with hope, heartache and desire. Her voice is undeniably different: a husky voice with a smoky tone, one that can blare out a warming ballad but, has the right amount of appeal to sing a radio friendly tune. Half way through the album, I found myself getting teary eyed. The only way to explain this is because I found myself being emotionally enticed by the lyrical content and lost in the infectious melodies of the music. Katy Perry is carefree and that's what Teenage Dream is all about.

The Illuminati in the Music Industry

As we all have heard at one point in time, during the past 2 years, it has been brought to the public’s attention of a group of evil men who have been laying amongst our blinded society with hopes to rule the world. Sparked by the release of Rihanna’s Rated R album, her new edgy look and moody songs, many concluded that Rihanna has joined this ancient society called the Illuminati to deconstruct the inspirational, poppy substance in the music industry. The Illuminati serves as a shadow government made up largely of the international bankers. And the conspirators, which are a super-rich organization, date back to the forefathers of America’s Nation. They control the mainstream media, workforce, education system, companies, banks, energy supplies and governments. They are assumed to be controlled by the richest people in the world such as the millionaires Rothschild and Rockefeller families. One of the missions of the Illuminati is to break down a democratic government, one which gives the members of the United States the right to freedom, and create a One World government in the form of communism. The conspirators of the evil society is said to mix the truth with modernist beliefs to slowly seduce the masses into their hands. Like pawns in a game, many people are helping and working for the conspirators without knowing this (such as Beyoncé and Rihanna, who are under the helms of Jay-Z, who is assumed to be apart of the Illuminati). In my opinion the decrease in music has nothing to do with the Illuminati, but some who are religiously empowered and see the “darkness” in everything will disagree. They would argue that the downfall of “good” music has ended when the 90s fell into the new millennium. That current music is not uplifting and doesn’t have any love or compassion as its ending product. In that defense, I say history does repeat itself although there are minor changes to produce a new sound; nothing stays the same. Saying that secular music is the devil’s playground has been around since the beginning of time. Though I agree some music has lost its excitement as some artists release low quality tracks, that doesn’t mean that Satan is out to suck out our souls through music in which we enjoy. Music is a form of expression; some lyrical content maybe filled with metaphorical quotes, idioms and euphemisms that are inspired by life’s dealings with love and religion. Some things we may never understand. In all, I say if you sincerely believe that there is some kind of force so manipulative, you will allow yourself to open up to that world. As the old saying goes “if you go digging for dirt, then your hands will get dirty.” Some people shouldn’t take things in music so severe or too literal. Music’s sole purpose is to express how you feel. Singers draw inspiration from personal experiences and their fan base. It’s nothing tainted. If you don’t like it, then don’t listen to it. See how far you’ll get without music… now that’s the Devil. What are your thoughts?

Verzuane McCoy and His Army of Angels

Gideon's Army is a contemporary Gospel group who has been in the process of recording thier debut album for the past 11 years. Throughout the financial hardships, to the bruised egos, to the extended hiatuses, with additional and dropouts of many members, it seemed as it all the difficulties threatened to break up the soulful choir for good. However, the First gentleman (and founder) Verzuane (pronounced Ver-jawhn) McCoy stayed dedicated to his musical project, almost raising it like a child; sacrificing himself yo make sure that the ends are met for the continuation of his dream. Now, with a few adjustments, Verzuane McCoy and Gideon's Army are currently ready to show the world why their in the war to fight the battle of the greater good for Christ.

I had the oppurtunity to join the choir during their rehearsal and pre-listening session for the preparation leading to the album's debut which will drop later on in the 4th Quarter of 2010. All 14 tracks range from your refreshing, inspirational uptempo club tracks that are so danceable, it'll have you stomping your feet on the pavement and catching the Holy Ghost within your next breath. The ballads are more operatic and mellow, with a neo-soul wibe that can easily be heard on a secular radio station. With under 20 members at the rehearsal (the actual choir has well over 30 members), the choir's rich tone, powerful belts, and airtight harmonies filled the sanctuary with the word of God's love. Due to the founder's intense ear to hear out for vocal mishaps, the choir's vocal practice was so sheer that even I, a careful listener, couldn't even pick up the minor cracks that slipped through my hearing as an audience member.

As Verzuane stood with his back against the audience, he demonstrated a certain discipline and seriousness without the intentions of being completely cold. He was able to relate to his choir, but he wasn't willing to play with them as they rehearse. His passion for the music flowed through his simple directions and into his members as they sung each song with a convection of energy. It personally inspired me as a singer to want to improve on my own vocal ability. Each singer within the choir has a indidivual qualitiy and a unique voice that just mended together like butter on white rice. Though it may have taken Verzuane and his choir quite some time to get to this point, his perseverance, his prayers and the joy of music has kept Gideon's Army well suited for war (Psalms 95:1-2 and Psalms 96: 1-2). At this rate, Gideon's Army's ambition can lead them to new heights; be on the lookout, they're finally ready....

B.E.T Puts Ban on Ciara’s “Ride” and Teairra Marie’s “Sponsor”

Recent controversy has stirred everyone in the recent months as B.E.T announced in February that singer Teairra Mari’s video for “Sponsor” will not be receiving any kind of video rotation because of the lyrical content of the song, in which creates a negative message to women for encouraging, essentially exchanged sex for money and gifts. In my opinion, the song is lyrically playful and silly; it’s a nice sing along. And I don’t believe that Teairra Mari is consciously promoting her audience to be a gold-digger. And then, it dawned on me. Since when did B.E.T develop a consciousness about the content and messages that their programming promotes? If they're so worried about glamorizing sex, they should of thought about that years ago when artists like the Ying Yang Twins released “The Whisper Song“ or Nelly‘s “Tip Drill“ (by the way, thank God Uncut was scrapped from the roster. You could see the uncensored version of all those videos). Last time I checked, Trey Songz’s video for “I Invented Sex” and most recently “Neighbors Know My Name,” was considered soft porn and contained very racy lyrics as he bragged about his condom size and being able to satisfy his woman‘s sexual appetite so effectively, she screams out to where the neighbors can hear what’s going on. yet it still receive heavy rotation on B.E.T especially on 106 & Park, where all the young kids are tuned in. It’s a contradiction to play songs that speak of male dominance in a sexually explicit manner, and only to ostracize women for trying to be more risqué as a way to liberate themselves. Now, Ciara’s “Ride” is a bittersweet pill to swallow: with the constant gyrating choreography and subtle sensual lyrics or “riding the d,” it’s easy to understand why the video could be banned but, in defense for Ciara, sex is becoming more mainstream in our society. And it use to be something so private, but now it's so open amongst us, you can't help but notice it. Kids these days have probably seen something way worse than booty poppin’ celebrities, but that‘s another story. No matter who comes along, the need for strong sexual themes involving erotic choreography and racy behavior in attempt to push the envelop will only result in hypocoristic critic. The bottom line is sexism still exists, even amongst the top rated entertainers of our generation. It serves as a double standard and I think it’s extremely unprofessional that B.E.T has decided to ban Ciara's music video for “Ride” as they attempt to clean up their image. B.E.T. is really losing it…

The Key to a Guarded Heart

When it comes to revealing the authenticity of my heart, I tend to become very precautious when approaching and or dealing with a new love interest because of the past pain I endured when I gambled in the game of love. Being mislead around in rotation of love’s dark handed deal caused me to become a victim of a fatal, but willing game we all must give in sooner or later. This is what superstar Beyoncé’s song “Halo” is all about: capitulating your heart to someone who has loved you so effectively, it causes you to dismantle your heart’s security system in order to be surrounded by a warm embrace. However, pain seems inevitable in the path of love. When you feel like you’ve been hurt, your jubilant emotions withdraw, causing you to live in reclusion, suspicion, and pain. Soon thereafter, you’ve distanced yourself away from dating, have developed a cold heart that clings onto the hurt from the past, and have become that stereotypical personality that consist of a pessimistic view on everyone’s love life. Creating this internal behavior can wear down in due time only if you choose to allow it down (“a soft word will ease even the firmest of hearts“). Besides, if the outsider’s who are attempting to vie for your affection must care, so what’s the use in being selfish? Being guarded hurts everyone around you, Do you really wanna build a wall that’s so high up that can’t even climb over to see the other side? I suggest you stop at waist level, so you can at least hop over. They to entering a guarded heart is like the Knight of Camelot: only the chosen one who is noble enough can pull the sword out of the stone. This can take patience, self-reflection and real love. There is no special code to onlook the system, ’cause once you fall you just fall…

Monica: Still Standing, the TV Series

Once BET announced that singer Monica was going to be the latest starlet to join the reality roster, I decided to tuned in to gain insight to her life as she pieces back her career. We all know her last album The Makings of Me completely flopped as her record label pressured her to moderize her music and sex up her image to keep up with the Jones. Considering the fact that she was an industry baby with a moderately successful career, Monica had major gaps of hiatuses causing her to become only a distant memory of yesterday. So, therefore, a reality TV show wouldn't be a bad idea to familarize yourself with an audience who has forgotten about you. The only problem with Monica's show is that there isn't anything captivating about her besides her music. Let's face it, in order to have a successful show, you must entertain your viewers with fiery arguments with your family members or spouses, or at least have comical moments. Monica's show doesn't posess any of these factors because she doesn't contain that divaesque "made for TV" personality. Although Monica's personality seems to be a little dull for my liking, her music seems to breath in the life of the show. The only thing I find worth watching the show for is to see her record new material that's catchy enough for me to hum to so I can be motivated enough with the desire to even buy the upcoming album. Now, before it seems as if I'm completely discrediting Still Standing the series, it does have its heartfelt occasions of therapuetic release and ephipanies. Monica has been through some personal struggles, the most dramatic of them all is having a boyfriend commit suicide infront of her. Though I could never even attempt to fathom what that experience would begin to emotionally bring to a person, but Monica opens up about the pain it caused and how it affected everything around her. Like in the album title song, Monica sings "whatever don't kill you, make you stronger. Well, I'm must be the world's strongest woman." This is what Still Standing is all about: perserverance after personal tragedy, and like a Pheonix, you'll rise again better than ever.

Willie Taylor of Day26 Releases a Sextape (About Damn Time!)!

We already seen enough of his goods already, but now that I got your attention, time to get to the review: Chicago based reality TV entertainer from the platinum selling group Day26, Willie Taylor (a.k.a Will for short) has recently released a mixtape album bluntly titled Sextape, available for free download. First and foremost, let’s smash the reoccurring rumors of the band dismantle: the group is currently working on their third album, and only had shredded down to a foursome; Que has decided to part ways from the group and is currently working on his debut mixtape currently untitled. But, enough about him. We’re on Mr. Taylor. Let’s be honest, he’s one of the many reason’s why we even pay attention to Day26, because physically, he’s the eye candy. Not to mention his big…attributes (the leaked pictures, I know y‘all seen ‘em!). On a serious note, Will can sing, and evidently he’s quite the writer. According to Will, this release does not definite and dissemble his position to pursue a solo career but rather to showcase his writing abilities. We all know dude can sing, and every track displays his warm tenor at it’s best. With a few riffs and runs, Will belts and coos the seductive lines of how he wants to please his lady counterpart. Lyrically, I have to say that Will writes sex in a metaphorical way, comparing and contrasting it to food, and describing love making as a movie scene for all to sex. The lyrics are slightly humorous, flirtatious and above all, catchy. Although Will discusses something that can cater to a younger audience, as the oldest member of the group, it would be nice to hear him sing about something with a little bit more depth and sustenance. But, considering his fan base, all young, horny young girls and women, that’s where the money’s at. Over all, the mixtape is above my expectations. The production is great, Will sounds amazing and his vivid lyrics definitely are well-written. This could have been a full-lengthen album, that could of sold well in the urban market, but it’s just enough to launch Will into the public eye. For those of you who know him, will love this and for those of you who don’t, well, this effort will definitely give you something worth longing for.

My Homage for Ms. Ashanti...

When fear and drive collide, it totals up to be a great motivator. Fear of unhealthy living keeps us on inconvenient diets and exercise plans; fear of poverty gets us out of bed to work and earn a living. Eleanor Roosevelt once wrote of fear, “you gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face,” and she is undeniably correct. It is only when one faces the fears surrounding a new venture that anyone can accomplish anything great. I have chosen to write about singer Ashanti because, not only I am an admirer musically, but I have been motivated by her drive towards success, even though it has led music listeners to criticize her as an incompetent singer stumbling into rejuvenated formulaic radio singles.

I’ve been following after Ashanti’s career ever since I was 12, when she made her debut back in 2002 with “Foolish,” which seemingly dropped like a melodic atomic bomb, shattering album records way before her time. Along with her success, came great critique and general hate as many dubbed her as an insubstantial singer with little range, because while on some of her live performances, her voice sounds muffled, like she’s doing a poor recitative. But, in my defense as a supporter, I say not every singer has a great day for singing every single day; there is definitely much to learn to accommodate yourself to while singing live on stage. Ashanti may not have that big voice you’re use to, but she has a quality: her voice is sweet, soft, and light. As a first soprano (or in technical opera-esque terms, she is defined as a coloratura soprano), she is capable of hitting those high whistler notes with ease and control while maintaining a clear sound.

But, there’s more to Ashanti than just the good looks and pretty honey-suckled voice: she’s actually has a story of triumph that can relate to many of her young audiences out there who are currently struggling to break in the business. When Ashanti was 14, she was discovered by Hip-Hop mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs, but due to negotiate a worthwhile contract, she eventually signed with Jive. There, the record executives wanted to mold the singer into a pop act. Because she didn’t like the image Jive wanted her to become, she turned the contract down and dived into four years of schoolwork. After graduation, at 18, Ashanti was offered the chance to go college (because of her athletic abilities) with full-blown scholarships at Hampton University and Princeton, but she turned it down to pursue her dream of music. She was propositioned with a contract with Noontime Records (a subsidiary of Epic Records), but due to structural changes, her contract was eliminated. She then returned home to Glen Cove, New York, to give her dream another shot. She started singing at open-mic clubs, and then caught the eye of hardcore Hip-Hop mogul, Irv Gotti. He offered her the dream version of a singer’s apprenticeship, to sing verses of some of his rapper’s work. Fast forward 9 years, 23 million records sold thus far, more than 10 top 40 Billboard entries, and 3 movies later, Ashanti is still at!

Although Ashanti may not be in front of the camera, she definitely stays busy with prior obligations and gigs. Some ask “what is she doing? She needs more songs out.” We must realized that this is a human being, not a mechanical bunny that just goes without stopping. I believe Ashanti has the right to disappear for some time, enjoy herself as she accomplished great goals at a tender age. As far as more singles being pushed, the industry has changed so abruptly: at one point in time, you could release a gazillion singles to keep the consumers happy, but with the recent economic meltdown and recovery, even artists are feeling the pinch. Budgets have been cut in half and in some cases, cut off. But, through the grace of God, Ashanti, who is like the phoenix has risen from the ashes and flown to new heights.

Despite the negativity that has plagued her, Ashanti remains graceful and focused on what’s most relative in her life: her family, friends and her career. Unlike many of her peers who are manufactured artist that have been corrupted by the hands of the industry, Ashanti is real: she’s intelligent and relatable. She’s inspired as a singer not only to search within myself to connect with the audience on a more intimate connection emotionally and lyrically, but she also has taught me to become more drive and enthused about my own dreams--- the similarity is in the determination to get where you want to be. It is this ambition, this decision to stare down the fear of failure that has motivated me because of the belief in myself, through the inspirational music of Ashanti from her viewa on acceding past her own expectations. And for that, I live! This is my declaration of admiration for Ashanti…

Recent Violent Outburst in Schools: Is School No Longer Safe?

Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes in Life

Ever since February 2008, I find myself constantly thinking about schools in America today, and the traumatic events that occur. Recently, according to the Chicago Tribune, more than 20 Chicago Public School students have died by gun related deaths. Can you exactly pinpoint the predicament of what is causing our generation of adolescents to depart this life at young ages? Some may say we have let the gang-affiliated streets conquer our young black men and subsist calmly amongst our communities. I would have to say I partly agree the same as others. But what about those silent ticking-time bombs that exist in our classes? It could be that reticent boy that never says anything, the one that studies hard and tends to be mindful of himself. Or it could be someone who revealed their sexual attraction to the same sex, is under suspicion for being “that fag.” Or even that girl who dresses a little provocative and just recently transferred over who, rumor has it, is considered to be a “bust-down.” Please be aware that, you don’t have to resemble the appearance of a thug (baggy pants below the waist, long white T-shirt, do-rag, etc…) to pull a trigger, because there is no single profile for a potential mass killer, young or old. That’s why it’s so important for schools and communities to have a fair, coherent, and even method of estimating and responding to school violence.


I attended Fredrick Douglas High School in the Austin Community, and it was not what I thought it would be. As a result, I began to decline academically, due to the environment in which I was forced to subsist. As much as I liked school (because it gave me a chance to show off my intellectual side), I hated Douglas because there were fights between students every day, teachers in disputes with the students, and gang violence; it just made the whole educational experience horrible. There were times when I would skip class and study in the hallway with the security guard in order to get my work done (or I would go at the local library to study) because the conditions in the classroom were just terrible. And what makes it so awful is my peers lashing out in a detrimental way. Some people would just come to school to take up space, receive a free lunch, and make the situation terrible for other students by ridiculing them for no apparent reason. When you profile people in belittling ways, it causes what I like to call an “emotional diminish” (when you lose a sense of yourself, and you are left with the feeling of insecurity, discomfiture, and other emotions of seclusion). Whether schools add metal detectors, security guards, or uniforms to stem the violence, in all likelihood, these problems will continue amid the chaos of the school day because of what was stated above. And people can absorb these negative sensations for only so long, until they literally snap in respond to the emotional exploitation. I do not want to condone the fact that the victims feel as if they need to demolish all bullies (usually ending innocent lives as well); they were completely culpable for their acts of sadistic rampage. But, you have to be vigilant when bullying occurs. Where there’s a cause, there’s going to be an effect.


Whenever I have time to watch the local news stations, all I see are people in my community dying. And the worse part of it is they’re at school! I get deeply sadden by these inexplicable violent events and mourn the loss of so many innocent lives. So, in the end, how can schools be safe again? Well, I have to say that vigilance, respectfulness, and common sense can go a long way in preventing these appalling crimes. First, we should be attentive on how we (the teens) treat one another, and make sure that we do unto others as we would want done unto us. Second, this note goes to those who are being mistreated: although it may seem like everyone is victimizing you and no one can help you through the dark period in your life, realize that you can find more productive ways to release your inner frustration and anger, possibly through therapeutic help. To the parents and the administrative team: realize that students and/or children are the most powerful allies, talk to us about what’s going on and take more of a proactive role in their schooling life. We do care about our communities and want to make the schools and neighborhood better places, despite the stereotypes that we as youth are disengaged, self-centered, and apathetic. Many people feel as if they should not have to pay an extra buck for something that will never change. But, you should never say “never.” I know it’s going to take up some money, but it’s for a good cause: to invest in the future for safety. Bottom line, we all play a part, and if each one of us doesn’t take the time to improve what’s happening to the school within our society, then the key ultimatum will also be the biggest cost of all: another life lost.

I'm Not a Bitch, I Just Tell the Truth!

My definition of being a bitch is someone who embodies the essence of a lewd personality that is unpleasant in the presence of others, by downing a positive moment or sensationalizing a situation. I think a common misapprehension when you're actually defining a person who is intentionally malicious is by confusing that to someone who is straightforward in honesty. It is possible for someone who dubs themselves as being "straightforward with you" to unconciously babble out their words before inflicting pain through a mean statement and not give a care to the damage that has been caused. I'm not a bitch, I just tell the truth from my personal perspective. My intentions aren't to crush others pride or belittle their thoughts or feelings. But, if the message isn't being conveyed clearly, because of an immense amount  of lack of comprehension, one gets frustrated and let's it all out. But, in the end, the truth has to be told. So, what's your definition of the truth and being a bitch?

Money Changes Everything

Money Changes Everything

After finishing a singing session of my personal rendition of  
Rihanna's "Take a Bow," I turned my iPod iTouch on to sulk in my  
musical high. I have well over 600 songs on my iPod, so I decided to  
touch the shuffle icon to randomly suprise me; the first song that  
popped on was "5 Star Chick (Remix)." Might I say, I don't really care  
too much about rap, but considering the fact that this song was  
hauntingly infectious, I added it onto my list on faint rap singles.  
Despite the fact that I knew ever lyic of the song, Trina's verse  
struck me the most and left my mind to wander about life's  
complexities and the recent crisis amoungst America dealing with this  
on-going economic recession. Simultaneously, thoughts ran around in my  
head about how people say how they're so real and money doesn't change  
them. I hate using Bibilical evidence as a means of support because I  
respect the different views of my non-believers and I don't want to  
appear as if I'm "preaching" or whatnot, but this quote speaks in so  
many different ways: In 1st Timothy, Chaper 6, verse 9 to 10, it  
states "Those who want to get rich will fall into temptation and a  
snare and many foolish an harmful desires will plunge them into ruin  
and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all evil, and  
some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced  
themselves with many griefs." We as people have a tendency to become  
very vain and superficial as we place our beliefs in materialistic  
items to define the status of who we are. No, there is nothing wrong  
with wanting nice things for yourself, but if you let that consume  
your identity, what is left to make up you is nothing more than a  
hollow shell with no heart, but that's encrested with sparkles. For  
me, that doesn't do it, because curiousity drives me for more, to see  
what's behind the surface; you have to be like a Toostie lollipop, I  
wanna see what's in the middle. Now, back to the "I'm real" section of  
the essay. I believe you are who you present yourself to be and that  
should go unsaid without a declaration of your cetified "realness."  
Boasting about your financial status, materials and sex life doesn't  
automatically give you a certificant of authenticity on your  
personality, it's the graciousiness you do with that power you obtain  
to set forth a good leadership for others to shadow by. I was re-
reading Ebony that featured mega superstar Beyonce on the cover for  
its 2008 October release, and the author had written an admireable  
comment on her characteristics: "Her friendly, posivitive vibe makes  
Beyonce very likeable. She is honest and open about most things,  
reclusive about others very much like any other woman---your sister,  
your co-worker, your bestfriend, your daughter (if you disreagard the  
mutliple talents, hourglass figure and good looks)." I had to step  
back and laugh at that. Not only did the author manage to give a  
subdued back-handed compliment to the reader with the statement left  
in the parenthesis, she continues to justify Beyonce's behaviorism  
that was explained in the previous paragraph on how relateable she is.  
I, however, don't see the connection between normality and Beyonce  
Knowles at all because, her lifestyle is money's common ground. She  
travels on private jet planes, models the finest gear, and has a  
grueling job schedule; Beyonce is untouchable, growing more distant  
than any of us will ever be because of money. I believe money, in  
general, changes everything around us. From the wealthy rich, to  
increase thier fortune, to myself, as a common folk, who craves for  
more yet has enough to get by and with an occasional moment of live  
beyond your means, to the poor, who continuously begs for more because  
they have nothing. But, do you honestly believe that your mannerisms  
wouldn't be the slightly affected because of your increase in  
finances? I think so. First, your happy face kicks in, then there's  
those moments where you outspend your normal capacity because you feel  
entitled to. Finally, you have to worry about how others will percieve  
you; there will be a lineup of different people wanting different  
things from you. The ass kisser, the one who says "don't forget where  
you came from," and the downright envious snobs. This causes an abrupt  
change in the personality as you become conflicted and pressure with  
different blows coming from all angles. We all dealt with this at one  
point or another in our lives. So, you can't say that money doesn't  
change things because it has become a center of our well-being, an  
emotional, mental and sometimes physcial way to survive and keep  
things in constant rotation. What are your thoughts?

I'm G.L.A.A.D And Damn Proud of It! (Being a Representative of the L.G.B.T.Q Community)

I just would like to take the time to express my my sheer pride in myself as a self-proclaimed spokesperson of G.L.A.A.D (for those that don't know, G.L.A.A.D is an acronym for Gays and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) and discovering ways of continuing to progress as an upcoming artist from the L.G.B.T.Q community by offering a more positive aspect of our lifestyle. Based from the stereotypes that has plagued and poisoned our community with negative connotations of homosexuality, one already acknowledges the struggle to fight for basic equality in the terms of respect as a person and even more as an artist in this world where hate seems to plummet amongst us on a daily basis. There aren't too positive representatives from the gay community, where the media takes full glory in displaying images of men who are either infested with sexually transmitted diseases, poking fun of drag queens, hiding or denying their sexual orientation based on personal insecurity on what other people's thoughts were, locked up behind bars (or my personal favorite), exposing the down-low phenomenon as a representative of trying to fathom why is it men sleep with men. I would like to salute any of those who choose to strike hard against the odds of becoming a successful iconic artist or figure from the gay community, as we are in need of a relevant, intelligent, professional non-dramatic attention whore. I feel it is only right for someone to take on the challenge to represent for our people in a way as G.L.A.A.D so finely words it "perpetuate stereotypes, myths and misinformation about our lives... working to create a world in which we do not exist." I've wanted to entertain for so long and I as I continued to mature, I spent many nights deep in thought on what it would mean to be a public figure "openly" gay in the entertainment field. In this day and age, there's a lot of hate that comes with the territory. And I have come to peace with that I wouldn't receive any kind of slack whatsoever; I foresee anti-Kahari's signs outside the areas in which I perform, church mentors preaching the wrong-doings on homosexuality, me making personal appearances at different events to explain who I am. Is that something that I am ready for? Is my sexuality really much of a diversion from talent that creates everything in my life to be a focal point around my personal life? Will I really be the derision of everyone's eye causing my peers to not respect me on behalf of a factor of which makes me who I am? My main goal as an artist was to relate myself through personal experiences that I felt was an urgency to be heard and to shed light to the lifestyle that I choose to live, not creating a division between myself and others but exposing myself in a therapeutic, creative outlet. In closing, I would like to leave my readers with the closing paragraph from the G.L.A.A.D's website (under the about me section): "Everyday our stories-- yours, mine, those of our families and friends-open the truth of our lives to the people we share them with. In the same way, when the media tell our stories well, people in small towns, big cities and everywhere in-between find windows on our lives that broaden and deepen their understanding of who we are. Same principle-- infinitely larger scale. Fair, accurate and inclusive media images shatter stereotypes. They prove that we are connected through common, human experiences. And these are stories that we-- and the media-- have a responsibility to share." For more information on how you can contribute and joins the forces with G.L.A.A.D in the fight for understanding and equality, please feel free to go their website at www.glaad.org. Oh, and before I forget, shout-out to my baby daddy Darryl Stephens and fellow web-blogger Adam Benjamin (thank you two for being sexy and not only that, but extremely intelligent. You guys inspired me to become more aware of what's happening in our community). Also big ups to Q.B. the gay Vigilante (when you gon' put me on the track? We can make beautiful music together... L.O.L! I'm gagin' myself right now!!! Smiles and loud Laughter!) Sincerely G.L.A.A.D and always will be, Kahari.

How I Feel About Modern Music and Artist...

As an aspiring singer myself, I firmly believe that the music industry has become nothing more than just a competitive business filled with incompetent singers and rappers who create insensible music that has been rejuvenated from past formulaic radio singles. Sure, today's music is poppy and with its catchy tunes, but it only lasts for a season, then, today's tunes is in tomorrow's distant memory. Now, I must say there are in deed some artist I believe that have created a path of longevity, to where they have not become so much of a commodity to the industry's desires by forming a musical sound that originates their own aura and shines at their best. Artists like Christina Aguilera, Chrisette Michelle, Beyoncè Knowles, Kaynè West, Jennifer Hudson, Ashanti, Keyshia Cole, John Legend, and Ne-Yo are some who have found instant success. (There are many other artist out there who have achieved a semi-success career, too with Top Ten Billboard radio singles and heavy rotation on urban, pop, and adult contemporary radio stations...). All other artist, fall under the category of struggling to stay relevant or simply have disappeared. The music industry is always constantly in rotation and it can go forward or reverse backward abruptly. And with the music, as it changes, people change. You see a lot of artist coming out with a hot single or they're career only last for so long due to that one record. And then, the next minute you know, America's radio station is on to something entirely different. Now, artist are force to set trends with their music it's no wonder why almost everything you hear on the radio sounds like something so familiar because the producer re-creates that specific sound and switch it around just a bit. I like good quality music, and I'm a teenager, so I still do follow up after the more contemporary music. But, what really captivates me as a music listener is an artist that displays versatility and shows their audience that they can't be molded into just only one particular style.

My Response to Heidi's 10 Procedures of Plastic Surgery In 1 Day

I have a mixed response when it comes to celebutante Heidi Montag’s decision to receive plastic surgery. One the supportive end, I can relate to Heidi---having the desire of altering your appearance in order to disregard the physical scars caused by negative attention and insensitive critiques from your surrounding peers will drive someone to want to better themselves to seek some sort of acceptance, to fix the flaws. We have to face the reality of things, we live in a society where we strive for and praise things and people that are physically appealing. This has lead to inferiority complexes to kick in if those to don’t live up that unimaginable expectation. On the downside, as someone in the spotlight, sending a negative connotation to young girls about “perfecting” the exterior instead of embracing the naturalness of their body’s flaws can be an emotional and mental rollercoaster. I don’t down look what she has done to herself because #1: she was and still is a pretty girl and #2: if you want to physically change who you are because you’re not happy, and you have the money to do it, then, knock yourself out. But, I don’t think having plastic surgery is the issue here, I believe it was the amount of procedures done in a single day that was appalling.

Is There Another Someone Inside of You?

The need to define ourselves by producing an image of individuality draws others’ attention to relate to another side of who we are. The subject surrounding creative identity is inspired by the drive to become something different, whether it is like or disliked, popular or controversial. Even as we watch celebrities on television, we somewhat first handedly witness the growth of their persona. And for a minute, you have go beyond the exterior to see what’s the fusion that produces someone to become so appealing. Are people really who we think they are? Or is it something else lurking beneath the flesh yearning for their freedom of expression? Throughout this paper, I will exemplify and examine Erving Goffman’s theory on ego identity (inspired by his book The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life) as it relates to self in a “per formative and common” manner.

As a natural Gemini, the most popular and negative misconception that is assumed with people who carry this specific astrological sign is that we contain a multiple personality, that can change in a flash; it‘s on and off, night and day, ying and yang. Although it’s a continuous conflict between the emotional state of a Gemini and other’s respond to their nature, I believe that everyone has a bit of an alter-ego. According to Erving Goffman, “self is a performance, a presentation. We create and perform role throughout our life that project an image we wish to convey to the outside world…” So, with this to support the idea of that there is an inner person within our spirits, it is explained we that even the most ordinary and personality consistent person, must have those moments of irregular behavior.

There’s been a lot of psychological and philosophical debate over whether or not the intentions on whether or not the inner alter-ego is a positive force, since it is something compressed from active display. Psychologist Sigmund Freud’s theory on the ego explains the reality of the principle, which allows you to repress your urges when it isn't a good idea to do what you feel. However, Sikyamuni Buddha believes that the alter-ego’s intent is full of a selfish desire to experience and not to learn and enjoy for “rightful proposes.”

Before I go any further in this paper, I would like to explain the difference between a persona and a alter-ego because I do not want the audience to think that there is a connection to the ego and a person. A person, according to the analytical psychologist C.G. Jung, is a mask presented to satisfy the demands of a situation and not representing the inner personality of that individual. An alter-ego is described to be the second self or the second personality within a person. In Latin, alter-ego means “the other I” and it was coined in the early ninetieth century when schizophrenia was first described by early psychologists. Think of your alter-ego like a two sided coin, where the ego and desire both have their own side; one cannot survive without the other. It would be like riding a bike and the chain suddenly falls off, everything is broken. If we attempt to stop the alter-identity, it would fall into a deep sleep, feeling strange and vulnerable, in a death like state. From there, the self-ego would feel uncomfortable and weak, but soon, it will arise like the fiery Phoenix.

So, to finalize this paper to answer my own question: is it natural to act or become a different person? The answer is, of course, and the reason being is because different people and unusual situations require a change of emotional, mental and physical requests from you. Therefore, you develop multiple personalities wrapped into one body to satisfy those specific needs, depending on the precise needs of others coming from you. As far as me personally, my alter-ego as a Gemini is displayed though various forms of creativity, specifically through the gift of sing, song, dance and literature. The process of my alter-ego’s reality is translated from my dreams into action. My obsession with making my dreams come true through entertainment is my alter-ego.

The Celebrity Lifestyle: Should We Really Care?

What is it about celebrities that we care to idolize so much about? It is because they somehow reached the pentacle of success which has seemingly been avertable, hence causing a state of subconscious admiration? Or is it the on-going drama within their personal lives that continuously spirals out of control that catches our attention to stop, stare and care? Hollywood celebrities live a life that is based on mere achievements that is driven by pride which is generated by money and unbounded support from everyday people who crave for “more in life.” On occasion, we as human beings are attracted to things in which we cannot have, which makes the desire of obtaining that specific item or conquest even more glorious and inevitable… but, not everything in life that glitters is gold. I would be the first to say that I was a personal consumer of the tabloids and celebrity standard of living. I was the first to inform my peers on the who, what, when, where and the why of the entertainment industry. I completely enwrapped myself in their life, in their personal matters, as if somehow I knew them or as if it affected me on a intimate level. It was for long that an associate brought this bad habit to my attention through a conversation which led me to tears. She informed me that it was mildly annoying and irrational of me to care about celebrities because their lifestyle is fueled by their own arrogance to get even more richer while the supporters of these artist remain irrelevant in their life as they enclose themselves in a falsified reality of luxury and perfection (This had me thinking: how ironic is it that the gossip tabloids and vicious bloggers that aim to expose the life of these celebutante and socialites inner perfect world just ends up propelling them to a more statuesque position of fame than ever before…?). By the end of the discussion, my frame of mind was refreshed and my heart was shifted in a different direction about this topic. Although a part of me wanted to stay attached to the messiness celebrities give to the little people, I made a vow to myself that unless a roll of hundred dollar bills comes slipping from underneath my tongue every time I mention the Ashanti’s, the Beyonce’s, and the Rihanna’s of the world, I refuse to a be a walking promotional machine for these people. Because they don’t give a rats ass about me or what I can contribute to the world on a daily basis I realized that unless it involves me spending money on their brand, I have to limit my ingesting on worrying about how seeming them on TV does something for me a in personal matter. Don’t get me wrong, now, I haven’t completely swore them off, because that would be like easy a junkie off of their drug of choice. But, since celebrities are pushed in the forefront of everything in the media, it can be difficult to stray away from. In conclusion, I’ve learned that just because you see the glitz and glamour, doesn’t make it your reality or give break to real life that is occurring around you. You are influential to your life, not the faux of what seems splendid.

The X-Factor Winner Relases Her Highly Anticipated Debut, With Nothing to Favor

I was inspired to write this review after some of my followers on Twitter (shout out to @Ranity and @OneOf_TheKids!) had given me the link to download season 5 winner of the British version of Idol, the X-Factor Alexandra Burke’s debut unfittingly titled Overcome. Once revealed to the U.K. audience in the fall quarter of 2009, the public embraced the effort with a wholehearted cuddle because of the sales of the album had exceeded past the expectations of any other contestant on the show (yes, even Leona Lewis. I know, right?). But, to me, as a singer and fan of the show, I was left in a mixture of confusion and disappointment. Burke doesn’t serve up half of the gutsy soulful vocal performances she was known for on the reality talent show. Overcome is a major departure from Burke’s neo-soul roots as singer, and it is clear to see the influence of pressure from the label to become a contemporary pop star. Much of the album has a techno-pop dance essence to it, which lacks life, no matter how much Burke belts out the lines with her sharp alto voice. With a reminiscent vocal ability of Lauryn Hill, Alexandra’s career could soar to new heights with the upcoming re-release for the U.S. audience with new material. I can picture her singing that sluggish ballad material, one that conveys the tales of falling in love or trailing a journey through heartache; much like “Resentment,” or “Ave Maria” by the emotionally conveying Beyoncé or like “It Kills Me” by the assertive soulful Melanie Fiona, hell not to mention the soul stirring melismatic Jazmine Sullivan. While listening to the tracks, I was consciously listing other singer that I felt would gel with the material more because most of the songs triggered a musical memory of other songs we’ve heard before. Here’s the verdict I came up with:

1. Katy Perry on “Bad Boys.” After all, it does sound like a heterosexual version of her “I Kissed a Girl.”

2. Beyoncé or Leona Lewis on the vocally demanding “The Silence.” The percussion claps resembles a mixture of “Halo” and “Happy.”

3. Christina Aguilera on “Bury Me (6 Feet Under).” This song has a early Motown flavor that tried to crossover to appeal the ears of the white audience. It also sounds like a leftover track that didn’t make the cut for Aguilera’s Back to Basics era.

4. Jordin Sparks on “Overcome.” It sounds like a straight jack of her “Battlefield.”

5. Leona Lewis on “Gotta Go.” Those higher parts that Alexandra strain to ascend her voice in, Lewis can coo in her sleep.

6. Jazmine Sullivan on “They Don’t Know.” It has hints of Brandy’s piano samples of “Long Distance,” but because of the style, I can hear Sullivan’s rough voice portraying the tale of a lost love.

7. Beyoncé or Pink on “Hallelujah.” This sounds like another jack of Be’s “Ave Maria.”

It’s easy to see the Alexandra personally has a lot to learn because her identity is lost behind the superficial popcorn music she conveys, which makes the whole project flop because it lacks her originality and doesn’t deliver the more natural musical production to accommodate her as the expressive singer she is. She’s still young though, so hopefully she won’t fall for Simon’s spell of trickery to mold his every artist into a polished pop star. Even though the production is good, but the overall quality of the project seems like an empty vessel wanting to be fulfilled. There is nothing groundbreaking about this debut, and Overcome has fallen short, leaving Burke with nothing more of an unobstructed entry to the music business.